Tips to help children adjust to a new sibling
As a Baby Sleep Consultant, I often hear stories about the various challenges that come with the introduction of a new sibling. Having a second child means juggling two sets of needs at different developmental stages, which can be more challenging than you might think.
But don't worry, with a little preparation and some helpful tips, you can make this transition a positive and smooth experience for everyone. So, let's dive in and explore my top tips for welcoming another bundle of joy into your family.
Speak to your child about what babies do
It sounds crazy, but small children don't always understand what babies do! They cry, sleep, and feed a lot. Explain to your child that crying is a baby's way of communicating and that Mum will need to feed the baby often because their tummy is small.
Once the baby arrives, you can ask your child questions like "What do you think the baby is trying to tell us? Is she hungry?" or "Do you think the baby is tired?" It's also a good idea to remind your child that they used to do the same things when they were a baby. This will help them feel connected to their new sibling and understand that this is a normal part of growing up.
Read books
Reading books about having a new sibling can help prepare them for the arrival and give them a better understanding of what's to come. Books about having a new sibling can help your child understand what to expect and can also provide an opportunity for you to talk to them about any questions or concerns they may have. There are so many fantastic children's books on this topic, so choose one that fits your child's age and interests.
You can also read books that discuss your child's feelings and emotions. Books that talk about feelings like jealousy, anger, and sadness can help your child understand and express their emotions in a healthy way. This can be especially helpful during the transition period when your child is adjusting to life with a new sibling.
Role- Play out some common scenarios
Role-playing with a doll can help your child prepare for the arrival of their new sibling. You can demonstrate how to hold and touch a baby gently, and show your child how to change a nappy or feed the baby. Some children like to sit by Mummy and pretend they are feeding their own baby.
You can also practice scenarios where you may need to leave the room to tend to the baby, such as saying "I'm going to change the baby's nappy, I'll be back in two minutes." This can help your child understand that sometimes you may need to give attention to the new baby, but you will always come back to them. Role-playing can make the idea of a new baby more tangible and help your child feel more involved and excited about the new arrival.
Focus on building emotional and physical connection before the baby arrives
Building emotional and physical connection with your older children before the baby comes is crucial. Spend some quality one-on-one time with your child. This helps to fill their "emotional tank" before the arrival of the new baby. This will ensure your relationship is strong, and they feel secure in their bond with you, as you navigate the changes that come with a new addition to the family.
Be clear about what's going to happen to your older child during the birth
Talk to your older child about what will happen when the baby arrives. Let your child know who will be looking after them, where they will be sleeping, and what they can expect when they meet their new sibling. Being clear and open about what's going to happen can help ease any anxiety or confusion when the time comes for you to go and have the baby.
Maintain routines
When a new baby arrives, it can be overwhelming and easy to forget about your older child's routine. However, it's important to keep doing things you used to do with them, such as meal times, bath time, and bedtime routines. This will help them feel secure, knowing that they still have a sense of familiarity and routine in their day-to-day life, even though their family dynamic has changed. Keeping their routines as normal as possible will help them adjust to the changes that come with a new sibling, by providing a feeling of stability.
Get some special toys for your older child
Make a box of special toys that can be used when you're feeding the baby or doing other things that take up a lot of your time. This will help your child feel special and included, even when you can't give them your full attention.
Let your child choose which toys they want to keep in their special box. This gives them some control over the situation and makes them feel more involved in the process. You can also take them out to buy some new toys before the baby arrives, so they have something exciting to look forward to.
Ask for help and accept offers of help
As a parent, it can be difficult to ask for help, but it's important to remember that you don't have to do everything on your own! Don't be afraid to reach out to family members, neighbours, or friends for assistance. It can be as simple as asking someone to take care of your toddler for a couple of hours, bringing over a meal, or running around the vacuum cleaner. People often want to help, but they may not know how, so don't be shy to ask for what you need.
Asking for help not only provides practical support but can also give you a much-needed break and help you maintain your own well-being. Remember, it takes a village to raise a child, and sometimes that village can provide invaluable support during the transition of adding a new baby to the family.
Don't force the relationship
We all want our children to have great relationships with each another, but like all good things, these relationships take time. You can't force love or attachment, so give your child the time and space they need to adjust to the huge changes that come with a new sibling.
Allowing your child to express their feelings is so important! Let them know that it's okay to have a range of emotions, even if they're not all positive. By acknowledging their feelings and giving them a safe space to share, you can help them feel supported and heard.
You could say something like "It's okay to feel upset or jealous. Having a new baby in the house is a big change." or "you don't like baby, it's hard being a big brother". Using language that validates their emotions can make a big difference in how they feel. Remember, as parents, we want to support our children and help them navigate through their emotions.
Remember, this is a big deal for your older child, so allow them to express their feelings and give them a safe space to share their emotions. With time, love, and patience, the bond between your children will grow stronger, and you'll see how they develop into loving siblings.
Don't transition your toddler to a "big bed"
Please don't rush this transition simply because you need the cot for the new baby. It is best to wait until your child is developmentally ready them to move into a bed. Moving to a bed too early can cause big disruptions to your older childs sleep. You can read more HERE.
Expanding your family is an exciting but significant adjustment for both you and your children. Remember that every child is unique and will adjust at their own pace. It's important to take care of yourself during this time and accept help when needed. You'll get the hang of balancing everyone's needs.
If you're finding it challenging to get enough sleep for any of your kids, remember that you're not alone! It's perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed, and seeking help can be a game-changer. That's why I'm here to offer you a helping hand! Don't hesitate to book a free call with me to discuss your concerns and find practical solutions for improving sleep for your family.
Alana x
Baby Sleep Consultant NZ. Healthy Sleep Habits Begin Here
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